Torsey's Blog

Posts Tagged ‘Teenagers’

Do you have a teen in need of a little more confidence or even a tidy-up?  Is their birthday coming up soon?   According to a recent survey, only 25% of teenagers turn to their parents for advice compared to 57% who turn to their friends for personal advice.  One of the most important life skills a parent can give to a child is confidence within their peer group and a solid self belief in themselves.  One way to achieve this is to ensure your lovable teen learns which colours and styles suit them best.

Body image is of great importance to us all, but at no time in our lives is it more important than when we are teenagers.  To teenagers, self-image and physical appearance are often the main focus of their attention and so it is crucial to help them, wherever possible, to discover more about themselves and to feel more confident in their growing and very important developing years. 

For anyone, having a positive body image means being happy with the way you look, knowing your body’s capabilities but also accepting its imperfections.  How a teenager feels about their body can really affect how they feel about themselves and how confident they feel with their peers.

Every teenager, whether they know it yet or not, wants to know that they will always be able to find something stylish in their cupboard whether for a date, meeting friends, first job and work experience or just to look ‘cool’ walking the dog in the park.  Speed of retrieval of these items can also be a factor!   They also need to learn how to be adept at sensible clothes shopping for the latest fashions at reasonable prices.   Learning how to achieve the catwalk look at high street prices is an art.

Style consultations are not just for adult women.   Teenagers can really benefit from a fun makeover experience.  You might get everything else wrong in your teenager’s eyes but a colour consultation will not be one of them!

THE TEENAGE years, is a time when awareness is increased regarding figure, weight, image and good looks. This is also the period when a lot of teenagers with peer pressure try out all sorts of fad diets to lose weight or totally go off food. This leads to a condition called Anorexia Nervosa where the teenager throws up anything eaten, and losing appetite and ruining his/her health totally. The teenage years are the time of rapid growth and development. Proper balanced diet and adequate nutritional intake is very vital. Given below are some nutrient intakes, which are important for teenagers:Calories: During puberty and teenage, there is a big demand for calories by the body due to increased physical activity and metabolic rate. Adolescent boys, 13 to 15 years of age, need 2500 calories and girls of 13 to 15 years, need 2200 calories. For boys of 16 to 18 years, nee 3000 calories and for girls 2200.You can make these following changes in your daily diet pattern: Increase the intake, and the amount of cereals and pulses too during lunch and dinner. For eg, if you are eating two chapatis, increase it to three. If you are eating one measure of rice, make it one-and-a-quarter measure. Include nuts, dried fruits and peanuts in your diet. Eg, eat five soaked almonds everyday, and also roasted peanuts as snacks. Eat at least one extra fruit per day like banana, mango, sapota or 100 gms of grapes. These are high in calories. If you do not take the extra calories during meal time at home, you will tend to consume empty calorie foods like soft drinks, ice cream, snacks and junk food in-between meals. This could lead to problems of overweight and obesity, which is the last thing you want.Proteins: The need for additional protein and nitrogen during this age is high. If you do not take the required amount of proteins at this time, it could lead to lower growth spurt and lower resistance to infection. The daily recommended allowance of protein is 55 gms for boys and 50 gms for girls (13-15 years) and 60 gms for boys and 50 gms for girls (16-18 years).The increased demand for proteins can be met in the daily diet in the following ways: If you are a vegetarian, eat at least one bowl of pulse,dal,legume everyday. Try to have a mixture of dhals together.For example mix tur dhal 50 per cent and masoor dal 50 per cent as this increases the quality and availability of proteins from dals. Drink at least 1 glass 250 ml of milk daily. If you do not like milk, you can take milk in the form of curds or desserts, in custard or payasam, etc. If you are a non-vegetarian, eat fish,chicken,mutton at least once a day, preferably without deep frying. For vegetarians, soyabean,tofu or nutri nuggets should be included in the daily diet. Soyabean has 40 per cent protein compared to 18 per cent in meat or chicken etc. Groundnuts and nuts are good sources of protein.Iron and calcium: These are the two most important minerals required during puberty, more so for girls, as the two will influence the health and well-being throughout life. Deficiency of iron in the diet leads to nutritional anaemia. During puberty, the need for iron increases in girls, as there is loss of iron during menstruation. The normal level of haemoglobin for males 13 gms, females 11 gms and children 11-12 gms. The daily recommended iron allowance during teenage are 25 mgs for boys and 35 mgs for girls.Intake of iron through the following sources: Include at least one dish (about 100 gms) of any green leafy vegetable (keerai) everyday. Among the cereals, ragi and bajra are very good sources of iron. At least twice a week, you can take it in the form of porridge, preferably everyday. This will keep your stomach full and prevent you from snacking during the day. Use jaggery instead of sugar to sweeten milk, desserts, etc as jaggery has a high iron content. Raisins and dates are high in iron. Try to include this in your diet. If you are a non-vegetarian, include chicken or mutton liver in your diet. This is an excellent source of iron. Use an iron vessel like a kadai to cook vegetables, etc. This increases the iron content of the food cooked in the vessel. Vitamin C helps in the absorption of iron. So eat foods rich in vitamin C like citrus fruits sweet lime and orange, guava, gooseberry, etc. Sprouts are also a very good source of vitamin C. Include a lot of sprouts in your diet.Calcium: It is another very important mineral required during the teen years. Low intake of calcium can lead to retarded calcification of bones and teeth; so include the following in your diet: A glass of milk i.e. 250 ml will meet your daily requirement. Include a leafy vegetable (keerai) at least 3 times a week in your diet. Ragi, sesame seeds have a high content of calcium,so, if your grandmother makes ladoos out of these, just grab and eat. Too much fat in the diet reduces absorption of calcium,so, do not eat deep fried foods. Vitamin D and lysine promote the absorption of calcium; therefore, do not neglect taking a glass of milk. Milk is just not food for the children; it is a complete food for you too. Reference: HealthOnclick

There is one very important aspect among the teenagers is the feeling of competition. Today’s teens want to show off to the society their existence. In a time and age where social status is everything for teens, they feel that MySpace is the only way to really make themselves feel like they mean something in their group. The teenage years are crazy times and MySpace provides space to explore craziness. Consistency works but creativity prevails. Businesses need consistency while people need creativity.

Youth are not creating digital publics to scare parents – they are doing so because they need youth space, a place to gather and see and be seen by peers and this space is provided by www.myspaceprofiles.org.

Furthermore, MySpace’s messaging is better suited for youths’ asynchronous messaging needs. They can send messages directly from friends’ profiles and check whether or not their friends have logged in and received their email. Their use of MySpace is complementing that practice.

In this context, there are three important classes of space: public, private and controlled. For adults, the home is the private sphere where they relax amidst family and close friends. The public sphere is the world amongst strangers and people of all statuses where one must put forward one’s best face. For most adults, work is a controlled space where bosses dictate the norms and acceptable behavior.

Teenager’s space segmentation is slightly different. Teens feel a lack of control at home; many don’t see it as their private space. Teenagers look for a space to which they can say that its “Myspace” and where they can have no indulgence of adults. They want to become free and want live their life in their own style. To them, private space is youth space and it is primarily found in the interstices of controlled space. These are the places where youth gather to hang out amongst friends and make public or controlled spaces their own. Like Bedrooms with closed doors, a space where they can talk independently etc.

The bigger challenge is that, online, youth publics mix with adult publics. Adults see the space as theirs and are not imagining that their acts are consumed by teens; they are certainly not targeted at youth. Of course, there are adults who want to approach teens and www.myspaceprofiles.org allows them to access youth communities without being visible, much to the parents. Likewise, there are teens who seek the attentions of adults, for both positive and problematic reasons. No doubt, teens love to live free but that also depends upon the attitude of particular youth. Some teens need adults support for such activities while others want no interference of adults. They think that they are grown up and can decide what to do and how to do.

However, neither the adults nor teens have any desire to mix and mingle outside of their generation, but digital publics slam both together. Moreover, most teens want to get rid off the adults, focusing only on the people they know or whom they think are cool. Yet, both of these exist in high numbers online because youth are exploring identity formation.

Without impetus, teens rarely choose to go private on MySpace and certainly not for fear of predators or future employers. They want to be visible to other teens, not just the people with whom they are aquited.www.myspaceprofiles.org fulfill all these desires of today’s youth. Myspace is a place where teenagers can spend their time and find online friends and can establish new relations.

While the potential predator or future employer doesn’t concern most teens, parents and teachers do. Reacting to increasing adult surveillance, many teens are turning their profiles private or creating separate accounts under fake names. In response, many parents are demanded complete control over teens’ digital behaviors. This dynamic often destroys the most important value in the child/parent relationship: trust.

MySpace is undoubtedly cool. It’s an amazing way to connect and hang out with friends, find new music, pose, preen, and generally be cool. Teenagers can get all the facilities what they desire for. Of course, this is a age when teenagers are more ambitious and have feeling to achieve their desires without any interference of others. This is the age for them when they enjoy the life most. So teenagers can visit www.myspaceprofiles.org and can have fun by expanding their group and challenge others.

MySpace combines just about every new technology that kids love and parents distrust — instant messaging, blogging, chat rooms, music downloads — and melds them into a busy site that offers quick gratification for input junkies. MySpace is becoming part of the scene at school, so it’s only going to increase as kids head back to school. So become a part of www.myspaceprofiles.org and show your existence and talent to the whole world.

Teenagers are adults-in-training. They crave independence, but they still require guidelines. Vacation planning can be a daunting task for any parent of adolescents.

Make your job easier – involve your teenagers in the planning process. Arrange a family brainstorming session and decide on a holiday that everyone will enjoy.

A vacation plan should take into consideration each teen’s likes and dislikes. A teenager who participates in science fairs may enjoy touring scientific exhibits. A history buff will enjoy museums. A budding musician might like a tour of Graceland. Ask for specific feedback. Teenagers sway from requiring guidelines and curfews to believing that they know everything – and insisting on doing everything their own way.

Here is a partial list of activities that you might want to use as a springboard for your initial vacation-brainstorming session:

The number one cause of death amongst youngster between the ages of 15 and 24 is drunk driving and so educating your teenagers about the dangers of drinking and driving is particularly important, not only for their own protection but for the protection of other road users and pedestrians.The first mistake which many parents make in this area is to assume that they do not need to raise the subject until their own teenagers learn to drive. You do not need to be behind the wheel of a car to understanding the dangers of drunk driving and, like everything else you teach your children, the earlier they learn the more likely the lessons are to stick.When it comes to the consequences of drunk driving teenagers need to fully understand just what it means to kill another person on the road and the devastating impact which this can have on their family and friends. But they also need to realize that many people are also injured as a result of drunk driving and they and their families may have to live with the consequences of severe injury for the rest of their lives. This is not always easy for a teenager to understand but it is a lesson which they need to learn.It is also important for teenagers to fully understand the consequences of being caught behind the wheel of a car while intoxicated. So, find out about the drink driving laws in your state and clearly spell out the consequences of a drink driving conviction. Explain to them that a drink driving conviction can not only land them in jail, but can also ruin their career prospects and prevent them from getting a good job.Now, despite your best efforts, it is still quite possible that your teenager is going to find himself in the position of having had too much to drink when he is out with the car and being caught between driving the car home when he knows he is not fit to do so, or calling you and getting yelled at for being so irresponsible. So, this too is something which you need to discuss with him before it happens.Remember that we all do silly things when we are young and the most important thing is to stay safe, learn our lesson and live to try again to get it right next time. So, if your child is in this position he must know that he can call you no matter what condition he is in or what time of the day or night it is to come and pick him up.This is not to say that you are condoning his actions in getting drunk or that he should not be punished for his irresponsibility. But your first job is to keep him safe and make him realize that he made the right, sensible and mature decision by calling you for help.Finally remember that there is no better way to teach your children anything than through your own example and that means making sure that you never drink and drive yourself. If your children see you leaving your car keys at home and taking a taxi to go out to a party then they will follow suit.

We have to say no to going out with friends and sometimes trips. This can lead to problems with our teenagers and the feelings of guilt that it is our fault for saying no. The important thing still remains that, even though they are teenagers, they still need our guidance. If you are looking for some ways to be able to say no and not have the guilt, here are a few ways. Define boundaries and/or negotiate them

If you are dealing with older teenagers, there is a great way to be able to say no and not feel the guilt. Sit down with your teenager and define the rules of the house and any outings. Be willing to listen and hear your teenager’s side of the story and their arguments. They are old enough at this point to think things through and be able to present you with justified and legitimate reasons for what they are asking. Negotiate the rules. Then, when something comes up that requires you to say no, you don’t need to worry about the guilt because the boundaries were defined by both parties and agreed to each of the rules. Don’t say no without a reason

Teenagers are not your little children anymore. They are almost adults and can reason like them. Saying no with the reason of ‘because I said so’ will no longer work and will most likely lead to greater problems. Be willing to give your teenagers justified reasons why you are saying no. Also be willing to consider changing that no to yes if they can provide decisive and true arguments to counter act your reasons. It’s good preparation for when they finally become adults. Be consistent

If you say no for something once and nothing has changed, make sure to say no every time. Or say yes every time. Being consistent is one of the key factors in parenting that remains, no matter how young or old your child is. Remember to stick to the rules that you’ve made. You can’t expect your teenager to follow them if you don’t or aren’t willing to consistently back them up. The best way to feel guilty about saying no is when you’ve said yes in the past to the exact same thing.

Parenting is not an easy job but it can be immensely pleasing. Each stage in our children’s development brings new challenges. Remember these key points and you won’t have to worry about feeling guilty the next time you have to say no to your teen. Define the rules or boundaries, don’t say no without a reason and be willing to discuss the reason, and be consistent. Keeping these points in mind and putting them into practice is a good way to form a peaceful co-existence with your child during their teenage years.

Remember the time when you were young and carefree, when you had a lot of questions which up to now are still left unanswered? Remind yourself of this whenever your teenage daughter gets a piercing or if your son flaunts a new skull tattoo.

Teenagers are undergoing the search phase of their lifetime, and they are looking for people to identify with, and things that would at the same time make them stand out. They may be hesitant to hear your generation’s take on life, but deep down inside, they know that you mean well.

One of the more difficult issues to deal with has to do about sex; it’s tough to talk about sex with someone who is now practically a world apart from you. But it is possible to do so, and you have to begin by changing your own perception on the issue.

See, for teenagers, nothing is absolute or set in stone, and it is best for them to learn about this sensitive topic from you rather than from other sources (which can be distorted, such as information gained from peers, or from sleazy sites on the internet).

Think back to the time when you yourself were a teenager; isn’t it difficult to make a choice when you really don’t know much about what you’re dealing with? Drugs and sex were pretty much within easy reach if you only had the willpower to access them – you’re teenager is going through the same dilemma. Treat your teenager with respect, and have a no-holds-barred sit-down; your son or daughter may even be grateful for your effort.

Once you convince your teenager that an open discussion on sex is the best way to go, avoid trying to be too intrusive; you’ve managed to lead your teen to this point, so cut the line some slack. Don’t try to rush them into opening up, be available and ready when they are willing to do so.

Oftentimes, their opinions on sex may come from the usual sources, such as the adult videos which they may have watched at a friend’s house, or on the internet. To be sure, there are adult videos which do observe audience discretion, but there are also those which put the human sexuality in an awkward perspective. Make sure that you are up to your teenager’s questions when they come, and be able to deliver your answers in a discreet, loving way.

There is also a possibility that your teenage son or daughter is already sexually active, and is using the conversation as a means to get help, whether it involves pregnancy or a sexually-transmitted disease.

If you feel this vibe being telegraphed a mile away, remember to keep your cool – the fact that you were one of the few people he or she chose to speak with is a good sign. This means that you are trusted enough to be told the truth.

Use the discussion as leverage to inform your teenager about the benefits of safe sex practices, and even if they somehow missed the mark, deal with the issue in a loving way – they deserve as much.

I’ve been enjoying the fantastic weather and juggling writing with being a Butlin’s Redcoat for my own kids on holiday from school, and it got me thinking about the way I communicate with my teenage son and my 13 year old, going on 25 year old, daughter!

Communication can dry up during adolescence which is why people identify so much with Harry Enfield’s Kevin and Perry characters and that’s why the teenage stage has often been called the “grunt stage” but communication is a two-way process. It’s what we want and think, and what our teenagers want and think. Most of us are great at talking but less good at listening and understanding and we often only half listen to our kids.

Here are some classic ways to switch off your teenager:Asking too many questions

“Why did you say that?” “What did you say?”Being bossy

“Do your homework right now and don’t argue”Lecturing

“You should know better at your age”Criticising/Shaming

“How could you be so stupid?”Pitying

“I’m so sorry for you, you poor thing”Rescuing – doing it for them

“Alright, I’ll do your homework for you so you don’t get into trouble”Jumping to conclusions

“Late again! I suppose you’ve been up to no good getting back at this hour!”Threatening and shouting

“If you don’t shape up you’re grounded for a week”Always knowing best

“I told you that would happen, didn’t I!”

Most of us find ourselves lecturing, ordering and jumping to conclusions or even threatening our teenagers but if we always presume the worst and speak to our kids like this we block communication.

And, effective communication is the oil that lubricates a good family and builds a lasting relationship between teenagers and their parents.

Here are some Positive Parent Tips for good communication:

Our teenagers’ lives are often a closed book to us and no matter how hard we try they simply will not let us open the book and read what is inside. But how are we supposed to protect out children and help them to develop into self-sufficient and confident adults if we do not know what they are doing, where they are going, who they are hanging out with, what they are thinking and how they are feeling?Well, here are four tips that might help to open that closed book at least enough to take a glimpse inside.Tip 1 – Start when your kids are young. It is much easier to keep a relationship rolling along than it is to start it up in the first place and this is especially true when it comes to our kids. If we start literally from the day they are born and build a close and strong relationship then life will be fairly easy when they reach those difficult teenage years. However, if we maintain our distance from our kids, or simply do not have time to get close to them, when they are young then it is going to become increasingly difficult to do so as they get older.Tip 2 – Look for common ground. We all have things which we like to do on our own or without our partner and one partner might enjoy playing bridge with friends while the other is out playing golf or fishing. But, it is also important for partners to share interests and to have some things, such as cooking, gardening or hiking which they enjoy doing together. This is not simply true of partners and should also extend to parents and children. So, find something, and preferably two or three things, which you and your kids can enjoy together and which gives you a common interest to talk about.Tip 3 – Listen to what your children say and keep an open mind. The teenage years are a time when children tend to form opinions very quickly and often without an adequate understanding of the subject to hand. This in turn means that they will often come out with comments which you find concerning or which you simply do not like or agree with. Take the time however to listen to what they have to say and try not to be judgmental. There is nothing wrong with telling them that do not agree with them or do not approve of something as long as you explain why and do not turn what you are saying into an attack on them.Tip 4 – Spend time with your children. One of the main concerns for most teenagers is that they do not get to spend enough time with their parents and this is often seen as a case of their parents simply not caring enough about what they are doing or how they are feeling. One significant result of this is that teenagers also often feel that they cannot talk to their parents when they have a problem and want some help.Many of us lead busy lives but were we talking about a client instead of our own child you can bet your bottom dollar that we would make the time needed to spend with that client. Well, our children are far more important than any client and so it should not really be too difficult to set aside some time each day, or at the very least each week, to devote ourselves solely to each of our children for a while.There are many ways to make sure that we are spending enough time with our kids and often it is simply a matter of organizing ourselves for efficiently. One simple way to achieve our aims is to make sure that the whole family sits down to dinner each evening and that this is a time to both eat and talk. Another way to spend time with your teen is to drive him to school each morning rather than let him ride the bus. Yet another suggestion is to play sport together once or twice a week. There are countless ways to make time for your teenagers if you put your mind to it.

Adolescence is one of the most difficult times of life for both teenagers and their parents. As teenagers go out into the world, they are confronted with mixed messages about their looks, their behavior, and their attitude. Teenagers are particularly susceptible to peer pressure, and are easily influenced by those with whom they spend the most time.

At this age, teenagers are worried about how they look, concerned about their popularity, and very focused on their own feelings and experiences. These truths, combined with still immature reasoning and judgment means that teenagers are prone to distortions in their self image and are likely to have at least somewhat unrealistic estimations of their own capacities.

As a parent, you, naturally, want to help your child with every advantage in life. Most importantly, perhaps, is that you want your child to grow up to be confident, responsible, and successful. How can you best foster self esteem in your teenager?

1) Give them clear rules to follow. All children, no matter what age, respond best to clear instruction. Your teenager may balk or fight over your rules, but this is par for the course. Clear rules communicate the value you have for your child, and when your children know they are valued, this is the first building block of self esteem.

2) Balance out criticism with appropriate acknowledgements. When your child does something well, say so. Acknowledge their skills, talents or abilities, and be sure to pay attention to the positives rather than only the negatives.

3) Let them make some of their own decisions. Teenagers learn good decision-making by actually making decisions. Allow them to make decisions with your guidance. Ask them to share their lines of thinking with you and their reasoning. Help them see where their reasoning or judgment might be better.

4) Keep in regular contact with them. Although teenagers are likely to be self-centered and self focused, be sure to talk to them anyway. Ask about their day, find out what they are feeling, and share information about your day and your feelings too. No matter how much your teenager wants to isolate or disconnect from the family, work to keep them engaged and involved.

5) Be proud of your teenager, and tell them so. When your child accomplishes a goal or is awarded an honor, take the extra step to let him or her know how proud you are. Words make a huge difference; don’t just assume that they already know.

6) Support your child during a conflict. When your child is in conflict with another, find a way to support his/her viewpoint while maintaining your personal integrity. Your child will not always be right; but he or she will not always be wrong. Being supportive of your child during conflict provides a strong foundation for meeting all kinds of challenges.

7) Examine your own self esteem and feelings of limitation. If you have struggled with your own self esteem, take care not to impose these same struggles on your child. Children are very susceptible to absorbing their parent’s opinions and belief systems, so take care not to impose your own negative beliefs on your child.

Be consistent. If you want to raise a healthy, well-adjusted child (and you probably do), be consistent with your rules and your approach. It doesn’t matter so much what the rules are. It matters more that the rules are always the rules. Don’t criticize your child for something one day and praise him for it the next. Children don’t gain self esteem in the face of constant change.

9) Remind your child of your support. It’s like the old saying, “give them roots to ground them, but wings to fly”. Let them know you are there to help them whenever they need it. Again, this feeling of support and constancy will help them become more confident in the world.

10) Finally, celebrate their uniqueness. Every parent has cherished dreams and goals for their child. This doesn’t mean that the child will want those same dreams and goals for him or herself. When there is a gap between desires and reality, you, as a parent, must bridge that space by letting go of what you desired and truly, deeply loving who your child is.

These tools will help you build your child’s self esteem. With high self esteem, your child will move through the world more confidently, be more willing to take necessary risks, and will be more successful. And what parent wouldn’t want that?