Posts Tagged ‘Raising Teens’
Good parents are not parents who necessarily know it all. Good parents are parents who are willing to seek help and information when they need it in order to meet the unique needs of their teens.
Raising teenagers can be difficult at best. While it may seem like an alien life form invaded the body of your formerly sweet and lovable child, your teenager really is not that much different than the child you once knew. He or she is simply attempted to establish his or her own identity, and that means separating his or her identity from you as parent. This is a natural and normal process, and you should reassure yourself with the knowledge that it is just a short period of time in the life of your child and it will pass.
If you are having a difficult time dealing with a disrespectful, angry, or out of control teen, you need the new book by Norbert Georget, NO-NONSENSE PARENTING FOR TODAY’S TEENAGER – How To Feel Like A Good Parent Even When Your Teenager Hates You.
Even as teenagers, your children need and want your love. Their attitudes can make it difficult to maintain a healthy relationship. It is important to understand that as much as your teenager wants your love, he or she also wants you to respect his or her individuality and burgeoning independence. When teens feel as though they are being treated like a children, if you are being “over” protective, if you expect your teen to believe what you believe and think what you think, your teen will rebel.
If you are struggling with a teen that will not listen, lacks motivation, is having trouble getting along at home and at school, is obsessed with technology or might be dealing with an addiction problem, Norbert Georget can help. NO-NONSENSE PARENTING FOR TODAY’S TEENAGER – How To Feel Like A Good Parent Even When Your Teenager Hates You is a book designed to help parents navigate the landmines of bringing up teenagers in a modern world of video games, internet, and cell phones.
Teens are under an enormous amount of pressure. Parents want them to do well in school and get into a good college and make decisions about their future. Teen friends seek to confirm and uphold each others’ ideas, thoughts, and identities and encourage each other to be as independent as possible. Peers pressure each other to try new and risky things, like drinking, drugs, and sex. Learn how to approach your teen and have open conversations that lead to better relationships, more trust, and less chaos in your home.
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January 31st, 2010 | Author: Boomer
We have all been faced with the difficult child who refuses to do what we know is the right course. There isn’t a parent alive who wasn’t part of this kind of conversation:
Johnny: “I don’t want to do my homework now”
Parent: : “Johnny, I want you to do it now”
Johnny: : “But I’ll do it later, after I finish this video game (translation “when I feel like it”)
Parent: : “You’ll be too tired later, I want you to do your homework now”
Johnny: : “I will, but the Simpson’s are on and Bobby’s turn on Xbox is almost over?”
Parent: : “What part of now don’t you understand?”
Johnny: : “OK, in a few minutes?”
Eventually, the parent gives in. This is very common and doesn’t make you a bad parent. Kids have been practicing the art of negotiating since before they were born. Think about it. Do you have any say over exactly when your child was born, or were you subjected to the whims of when they would take that ride out the birth canal into the world?
While not the worst thing to give into your child, it is gently reinforcing that they can wear you down on issues if they just try hard enough. I’ll be the first to say to pick your battles, but with 3 teenage sons, there were a lot of these conversations going on. So, what to do.
I stumbled on a method that has worked wonders in our house. It taught me about choices, basically that you always have a choice, no matter what the circumstances. Now, not all choices have good results, but if you have the choice, you have some control over your life.
When faced with one of scenarios above, I tried a new approach. When I get the first hint of rebellion, I immediately go into my choices offense. I simply phrase my original request with a choice that isn’t palatable, for instance:
Child: : I don’t want to go to bed.
Me: : No problem, but you need to make a choice. You can stay up late, but then you will be off the computer this weekend.
Child: : That’s not fair!
Me: : Nope, but it’s your choice to make.
I know that sounds pretty simple, but it is just that ? simple. You give them a choice. Of course, the first several hundred times my sons gave me a hard way to go, but eventually, all I had to do was mention the phrase “you have a choice..” and they would invariably do the right thing. The important aspect is that they still were given some control over their lives as opposed to the old fashioned “just do it because I said so!”
It teaches them to think a bit, and to never think life is just one road. Sometimes, they picked the worse choice, and I made sure they lived with it. It teaches them to be responsible for their choices and more importantly, to make their own choices.
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October 17th, 2009 | Author: Steph
Communication is the single most important aspect when parenting a teenager.We can give them a sense of compassion, understanding, and support. We can listen to their opinion. We can peacefully discuss a situation.On the other hand, we can convey to them that we are disappointed and angry about what they did. We can scold them for not doing what we told them to. The way we respond to, or address, our teenagers will determine if they will come to us for answers and advice the next time. Your teenager will let you know when he is disappointed. He might even be insulted by the way the discussion is going or how he’s being treated.He will tell you. Not directly, but with phrases such as:“Whatever you say” or “You just don’t understand” before walking away.What these phrases really imply:• He thinks he has absolutely no input in matters that concern his daily activities• He feels you are treating him like a child by not giving him a chance to state any of his thoughts on the subject at hand • You are just not listening to him at all Take a quick inventory of what was said and ask yourself where you cut your teenager off or out – or stopped listening to his side of the story. Comments like these are a big STOP sign. If you cannot recall with what exactly you turned your teenager off, ask him. Here is an example:One day your teenager comes home from school and tells you that one of his friends started to smoke. You can either tell your son that he better not be smoking, and that if you ever catch him you will punish him one way or another. Your teenager’s response in this case is going to be something like:”Sure, dad,” and he will turn and walk away. Now you wonder if he is planning to take up smoking and worry about it. Your teenager is frustrated because you treated him like a child by lecturing instead of listening. These events will lead to a stressed relationship, constant confrontation, and total frustration for you as well as your teenager. On the other hand, you could find out what he is thinking and how he sees the situation.If your teenager approaches you with a story or lets you know about something a friend is doing, you can be assured that they have an opinion about the particular situation. Seize the opportunity to find out your teenager’s values, thoughts, and opinions. Give your teen the message that you are interested in his opinion and want to hear it. He will be less hesitant to approach you the next time around, eager to talk about whatever is on his mind, discuss it with you and thus draw on your knowledge. Before getting angry, consider that your teen may have come to you about the “friend smoking” situation – • to talk about how disappointed he is in his friend • how angry he is with his friend because he knows that smoking is unhealthyYour teen may want, or more importantly may need you to tell him how proud you are of his choice not to smoke.
Another great resource for teenager:Creating and Writing Your Blog